Oysters
Yes, there is a reason for their s3xy reputation. Oysters are rich in the mineral zinc and vitamin B6, both of which are vital for testosterone, without which you’d have the s3x drive of a dead slug. If the thought of grey shellfish gloop sliding down your throat makes you gag, boost your t3stosterone with nuts and seeds instead.
Chillies
Spice up your love life with chillies. When your face flushes after eating a curry, that’s the blood vessels expanding thanks to the effect of the chillies. And it’s not just the blood vessels in your face that get the boost. Biologically speaking a hard-on is simple hydraulics – more liquid (blood) being forced into little tubes (blood vessels) in your p3nis – so what you need is a strong heart and smooth, healthy pipework.
Bananas
Hard men have healthy hearts, so eat bananas for potassium, which is great for your heart and circulation. Getting enough potassium helps keep your sodium levels under control, stopping your blood pressure from hitting the roof and reducing your risk of heart problems. If you eat too much salt and don’t like bananas, get your potassium from oranges or jacket potatoes (the mineral’s in the skin)
Salmon
The omega-3 fatty acids in oily fish make the blood less sticky, enhancing blood flow to the parts that matter. Eat fish like salmon, mackerel, trout and fresh tuna twice a week to keep your arteries well-oiled.
Pork
Contrary to popular belief, the p3nis does not have a mind of its own. To make it a fine and upstanding specimen, your neurons must be co-ordinated with military precision. You need thiamine, aka vitamin B1, for a healthy nervous system, so eat pork to help fire your swimmers in the right direction. Can’t or don’t eat pig? Get your B from beans and wholemeal bread.
Cherries
Cherries are packed full of anthocyanins, colourful plant chemicals which protect your artery walls, helping prevent the fatty plaques that lead to atherosclerosis, or clogged arteries. Don’t fancy cherries? Berries, or brightly coloured fruit such as peaches, nectarines and plums, will all keep your arteries smooth as a baby’s nether regions.
Onions
The phytochemical allicin in onions and garlic thins the blood and enhances your circulation, as well as making it less likely to clot and clog. Avoid uns3xy onion-breath by chewing parsley or peppermints.
Wine
Wine – especially red wine – is a great source of the antioxidant phytochemical resveratrol, which helps open the arteries by enhancing the production of nitric oxide. Nitric oxide allows the blood vessels to expand, and this is how V1agra works. But while the little blue pill only works on tiny blood vessels, resveratrol helps your main arteries too. Make sure you stop at one or two glasses of wine – too much alcohol leads to the dreaded droop.
Porridge
Porridge isn’t s3xy, but the soluble fibre in oatmeal mops up cholesterol, helping keep your blood vessels smooth and stretchy. So get your oats!
